The Best Lawyer Jokes

The Best Lawyer Jokes

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Here are our best lawyer jokes that we hope you find appealing.

  • What’s the difference between a bad lawyer and a good lawyer? A bad lawyer can let a case drag out for several years. A good lawyer can make it last even longer.
  • What’s the difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer? A good lawyer knows the law. A great lawyer knows the judge.
  • Why did God invent lawyers? So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
  • What’s the difference between a lawyer and a vulture? The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
  • What’s black and brown and looks good on a lawyer? A Doberman Pinscher.
  • Where there is a will there is a lawsuit.
  • What is the difference between a catfish and a lawyer? One is a bottom-dwelling, garbage-eating scavenger. The other is a fish.
  • How do you greet a lawyer with an IQ of 70? “Good morning, your honor.”
  • What’s the difference between a lawyer and a leech? After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
  • How does an attorney sleep? First he lies on one side and then on the other.
  • Why’d the lawyer go to Heaven? Hell was full.
  • How can you tell when a lawyer is lying? His lips are moving.
  • What do you call 500 lawyers at the bottom of the Pacific Ocean? A good start.
  • Why do they bury lawyers twelve feet deep? Because deep down, they are really good guys!
  • What’s the difference between a lawyer and God? God doesn’t think he’s a lawyer.
  • What’s the difference between a lawyer and an onion? People cry when they cut an onion.
  • How do you stop a lawyer from drowning? Shoot him before he hits the water.
  • What’s the difference between a female lawyer and a pitbull? Lipstick.
  • What’s the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo? The lawyer charges more.
  • Why don’t snakes bite attorneys? Professional courtesy.

Lawyer Joke

Please share your favorite lawyer jokes in the comments section.

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