The Best Funny Comebacks

Funny Comebacks

Never be late with a good funny comeback again. Here is our list of comebacks for you to use the next time you really need one.

You have your entire life to be a jerk. Why not take today off?

I’d give you a nasty look but you’ve already got one.

Remember when I asked for your opinion? Me neither.

Oh I’m sorry.  Did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours?

You know, I just checked my receipt and I didn’t buy and of your bullshit.

Some day you’ll go far and I really hope you stay there.

Well your day was a total waste of makeup.

Sometimes it’s better to keep your mouth shut and give the impression that you’re stupid than open it and remove all doubt.

If you’re going to be two-faced, at least make one of them pretty.

I would love to insult you but I’m afraid I can’t do any better than nature already did.

Do yourself a favor and ignore anyone who tells you to be yourself. Bad idea in your case.

If laughter is the best medicine, your face must be curing the world.

If I throw a stick, will you leave?

Everyone’s entitled to act stupid once in awhile, but you really abuse the privilege.

Do you ever wonder what life would be like if you’d gotten enough oxygen at birth?

The only way you’ll ever get laid is if you crawl up a chicken’s ass and wait.

I would slap you but that would be animal abuse.

Give me a second, I’m trying to imagine you with a personality.

You know it’s a real shame you will never be half the man your mother is.

Please, keep talking. I only yawn when I’m super fascinated.

I’ve seen people like you before, but I had to pay admission.

Is your drama going to have an intermission soon?

Oh, I heard you. I just don’t care.

Your lips keep moving, but all I hear is “blah, blah, blah.”

If I wanted to hear from an asshole, I’d fart.

Why is it acceptable for you to be an idiot but not for me to point it out?

 I’m sorry, did I roll my eyes out loud?


Please share your best funny comebacks in the comments section.

5 thoughts on “The Best Funny Comebacks

  1. My name is Harold and a christian middle aged father of 5 and these are pretty darn funny. These liberal hipsters wouldn’t understand what is considered REAL humor nowadays ha ha

    Anyway, I’m hoping to connect with my older son with these jokes. He has stopped talking to me ever since his mother left.

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