My wife asked if she could have a little peace and quiet while she cooked dinner.

I said sure and took the batteries out of the smoke detector.

How do you sink a submarine full of blondes?

You knock on the door.

I got my girlfriend a “get better soon” card.

She is not sick or anything I just think she could get better.

Why is girlfriend one word but best friend is two words?

Because your best friend gives you space when you need it.

Do you know why there are so many female Archaeologists?

Women love digging up the past.

What does every woman in the world want?

Nothing, they’re fine.

I like my women like I like my coffee.

From a third world country and at a reasonable price.

What’s the difference between a dog and a fox?

About 10 beers.

My wife hasn’t said a word to me in a week.

The best part is, she thinks it is punishment.