If I had a dollar for every time I thought about my wife.

I’d probably start thinking about her.

Son: Dad, I’ve got a part in the school play. I play a man who’s been married for 25 years.

Dad: I’m sorry son, maybe next time you will get a speaking part.

I have not spoken to my wife for six months.

I don’t like to interrupt her.

I bought my wife a Pug as a present.

Despite the squashed nose, bulging eyes and rolls of fat, the dog seems to like her.

My wife asked if she could have a little peace and quiet while she cooked dinner.

I said sure and took the batteries out of the smoke detector.

How do you sink a submarine full of blondes?

You knock on the door.

I got my girlfriend a “get better soon” card.

She is not sick or anything I just think she could get better.

Why is girlfriend one word but best friend is two words?

Because your best friend gives you space when you need it.

Do you know why there are so many female Archaeologists?

Women love digging up the past.

What does every woman in the world want?

Nothing, they’re fine.