I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker.
But when I got home, all the signs were there.
Why did the witches’ team lose the baseball game?
Their bats flew away.
My wife told me to stop acting like a flamingo.
So I had to put my foot down.
I decided to use my knife to conserve ammo.
Apparently that’s not allowed in paintball.
Why were you fined for reading Lord of the rings?
It was written by J.R.R Toll-kien.
What did the clock do when it was hungry?
It went back four seconds.
What do you call a cow that just had a baby?
Decalfinated.
A drunk in a bar is yelling “All lawyers are thieves”
The guy sitting next to him says, “Whoa, easy there buddy.”
The drunk says, “Are you a lawyer?”
“No, I’m a thief”, he replied.
Why do riot police like to get to work early?
So they can beat the crowd.
Where do Volkswagens go when they get old?
The Old Volks home!
National Dyslexic Association
My goal was to lose 15 pounds this month.
Only 20 more to go!
