What do Disney characters ride on?
A Minnie Van!
Who is the king of stationery?
The ruler!
They slug it out.
How did the police scare the bugs away?
They call the S.W.A.T. team.
Only anti-vaxxers will get this…
Measles.
What did the ghost say to the bee?
BOO BEE!
What is orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot.
I bought my wife a Pug as a present.
Despite the squashed nose, bulging eyes and rolls of fat, the dog seems to like her.
The other day my wife ask me: “Are you even listening to me?”
That is a weird way to start a conversation if you ask me.
What did the pickle say to impress the ladies?
I’m kinda a big Dill.
What do you call the security guards that work at the Samsung store?
Guardians of the Galaxy.
I bought my son a trampoline for his birthday, and he hasn’t even used it.
He just sits and cries in his wheelchair.
