It’s very rare that a defibrillator fails.
Bet when it does, no one is shocked.
Why couldn’t the pirate learn the alphabet?
Because he was always lost at C.
Why is your nose in the middle of your face?
Because it’s the scenter.
And then I wait for the next bus.
You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving.
You need a parachute to go skydiving twice.
What does every woman in the world want?
Nothing, they’re fine.
Nine years ago I asked the girl of my dreams on a first date. Today I finally asked her to marry me.
She said “no you creepy weirdo”, both times.
How many optometrists does it take to change a light bulb?
One, or two? One . . . or two?
A man who runs in front of a car gets tired.
A man who runs behind a car gets exhausted.
I’m developing a new fragrance for introverts:
Leave me the Fu Cologne.
One man’s trash is another Man’s treasure.
Wonderful saying, horrible way to find out that you were adopted.
How does a lawyer get where he is going?
He makes A-turn-ey!
