I really want to know what the lowest rank in the Army is, but everyone keeps telling me it’s private.
I have an irrational fear of overly engineered buildings.
I have a complex complex complex.
Why is it so easy to track Santa on Christmas Eve?
Because he always accepts cookies.
What do you call perfume that doesn’t smell?
Smoking will kill you.
Bacon will kill you.
But, smoking bacon will cure it.
What nationality is Santa Claus?
Did you know I can cut down a tree just by looking at it?
It’s the truth, I saw it with my own eyes.
Last night I ate four cans of alphabet soup.
This morning I had the largest vowel movement ever.
My ex-wife still misses me.
But her aim is steadily improving.
My family has a genetic predisposition for diarrhea.
It runs in our jeans.