My boss said he is going to fire the employee with the worst posture.
I have a hunch it might be me.
Non Vaccinated
Dark humor is like non vaccinated kids.
It never gets old.
Rubbing Oranges
What do you get when you rub two oranges together?
Pulp friction.
Going Deaf
Three years ago my doctor told me that I was going deaf.
I haven’t heard from him since.
It’s Riveting
They told me my new job would be drilling holes in things then bolting them together.
At first I thought it would be boring, but it turns out it was actually riveting.
Hispanic Attacks
Why does Trump take Xanax?
For Hispanic attacks!
Last Relationship
My last relationship ended because I wouldn’t open the car door for her.
Instead I just swam for the surface.
Making Poetry
My friends told me I’d never be good at poetry because I’m dyslexic.
They couldn’t be more wrong, so far I’ve made three jugs and a vase.
Helicopter Mechanic
Dad: Son, In Iraq I killed 12 people.
Son: Dad, you were a helicopter mechanic.
Dad: I never said I was a good one.
Female Archaeologists
Do you know why there are so many female Archaeologists?
Women love digging up the past.