If any of you here are thinking of getting married, consider the following before you do.
On the one hand, you get to wear a pretty cool ring.
On the other hand, you don’t.
My Therapist Said
My therapist said I should identify the people in my life that have hurt me, write letters to them explaining what they did and then burn them.
I feel so much better but I don’t know what to do with all these letters.
Vacuum Cleaner
I’ve decided to sell my vacuum cleaner.
It was just collecting dust.
3.14 Cakes
What do you get if you eat 3.14 cakes?
Diabetes. You get diabetes.
Water Bill
My friend couldn’t pay his water bill anymore.
I sent him a Get Well Soon card.
Flat Earther
A flat-earther’s greatest fear is…
Sphere itself.
What’s My Name
What did Rihanna say to her Grandmother with Alzheimer’s?
Oh nana, What’s my name?
Break Three
I just broke two of my dad’s old Queen records.
Now I want to break three.
Lost Rifle
When I lost my rifle, the Army charged me $685.
I guess that’s why in the Navy, the captain goes down with the ship.
Life’s a Joke
One day I changed a light bulb, crossed the road, and walked into a bar.
That is the day I realized my whole life is a joke.