A drunk in a bar is yelling “All lawyers are thieves”
The guy sitting next to him says, “Whoa, easy there buddy.”
The drunk says, “Are you a lawyer?”
“No, I’m a thief”, he replied.
Milk Sheep
How do you milk a sheep?
Put an apple logo on your product.
Drug Test
My drug test just came back negative.
My dealer sure has some explaining to do.
Angry New Yorkers
I finally figured out why New Yorkers are angry all the time.
It is because the light at the end of the tunnel is New Jersey.
My Neighbor
Can you believe my neighbor rang my doorbell at 5 am?
Luckily I was already up, playing drums.
Dead Dog
My girlfriend’s dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one.
It just made her more upset. She screamed at me, “What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?”
My Pen
I have a pen that can actually write underwater!
It can also write other words too.
Dark Humor
Dark humor is like food.
Not everyone gets it.
English Teacher
I wanted to marry my English teacher when she got out of jail,
but apparently you can’t end a sentence with a proposition.
Like a God
My parents treat me like a god.
The don’t believe in me.