How do boomers change a lightbulb?
They don’t, they just keep talking about how great the old one was
Racist Jokes
How does every racist joke start?
With a look over your shoulder.
Spider Date
My wife asked me to take out a spider instead of killing it.
So I did, hit a few bars, dude is cool, wants to go into web design.
Too Sweet
My doctor told me today that I was too sweet.
Well, her exact words were, “severely diabetic”, but I knew what she meant.
I Love You
I was sitting next to my girlfriend when I said, “I love you.”
She said, “Is that you or the beer talking?”
I said, “It’s me talking to the beer.”
Typo
My grandfather died because a medical report said he had Type-A blood.
Unfortunately it was a Type-O.
Sleeping on the Bus
A woman yelled at me yesterday for sleeping on the bus.
Do you know how exhausting it is being a bus driver?
Which Machine
I joined the gym and asked trainer, “I want to impress beautiful girls, which machine should I use?”
He said, “The ATM machine”.
Calculus Professor
My calculus professor was late 16 minutes for his first class, 8 minutes late for the second, and 4 minutes for the third.
At this rate, he’ll never be in class on time.
Rings a Bell
I went to the library today and asked for the book on Pavlov’s dog and Schrodinger’s cat.
The librarian said it rings a bell but she didn’t know if it was there or not.