Sometimes I hide my girlfriend’s inhaler just so I can hear her say “you take my breath away”.
If Americans switched from pounds to kilograms there would be mass confusion.
Ever notice how those damn millennials are always walking around like they rent the place?
I really don’t like people who take drugs, like airport security.
I made a completely new word today, plagiarism.
If I had a dollar for every time a woman found me unattractive, eventually they would start to find me attractive.
If pro is the opposite of con, what is the opposite of progress?
When my parents told me that anyone could become president, I didn’t realize it was a warning.
I tried to use “beefstew” as a password, but apparently it’s not stroganoff.
With great reflexes comes great response ability.