Funny Marriage Jokes

Marriage Jokes

Funny marriage jokes that only married people will understand.

  • Marriage is the process of finding out what kind of person your spouse would have preferred.
  • My wife and I were happy for twenty long years. Then we met.
  • My wife told me she needed more space. I said no problem and locked her out of
    the house.
  • Marriage is a workshop, where man works and woman shops.
  • Marry someone who can cook.  Looks fade, hunger doesn’t.
  • Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished.
  • I haven’t spoken a word to my wife in years. She hates to be interrupted.
  • My son asked me what it’s like to be married so I told him to leave me alone and when he did I asked him why he was ignoring me.
  • Whats the difference between love and marriage? Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock.
  • Never laugh at your wife’s choices. You are one of them.
  • A man simply doesn’t have a clue what real happiness is until he gets married. But by then it’s already too late.
  • I just asked my husband if he remembers what today is. Scaring him is so easy.
  • My wife told me to go and get something that would make her look sexy. So I got drunk.
  • Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After marriage, the “y” becomes silent.
  • How do you transfer funds even faster than electronic banking? By getting Married.
  • I married Miss Right. I just didn’t know her first name was Always.
  • Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After marriage, the “y” becomes silent.
  • My wife ran off with my best friend last week. I sure miss him.
  • What’s the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? About 45 minutes.
  • What is the difference between a wife and a girlfriend? About 45 pounds

Marriage joke

Please share your funny marriage jokes in the comments.

3 thoughts on “Funny Marriage Jokes

  1. Wife asks her husband honey if I die would you remarry? husband says maybe. Wife says would she sleep in our bed? He says probably. She says would she wear my clothes? He says no she would be skinnier than you!

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