Funny Doctor Jokes

The best funny doctor jokes sure to strike your funny bone.

• Doctor: “I’ve got very bad news – you’ve got cancer and Alzheimer’s”. Patient: “Well, at least I don’t have cancer”
• My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. He was right, I feel ten years older already.
• When does a doctor get mad? When he runs out of patients!
• Doctor: “Alcohol is a slow poison for you.” Patient: “It’s all-right. I’m not in a hurry.”
• Why did the banana go to the doctors office? Because he wasn’t peeling well!
• What do you call a student that got C’s all the way through med school? Hopefully not your doctor.
• The doctor said he would have me on my feet in two weeks. He was right, I had to sell my car to pay the bill.
• When an employment application asks who is to be notified in case of emergency, I always write, “A very good doctor”.
• Where does a boat go when it’s sick? To the dock!
• A doctor is the only man who can tell a woman to take off all her clothes and then send a bill to her husband!
• Doctor: “Did you take those pills I gave you to improve your memory?” Patient: “What pills?”
• What’s the difference between a general practitioner and a specialist? One treats what you have, the other thinks you have what he treats.
• I always feel better when my doctor says something is normal for my age but then think dying will also be normal for my age at some point.
• Doctor: “Your recovery was a miracle!” Patient: “Thank God! Now I don’t have to pay you.”
• Does an apple a day keep the doctor away? Yes, but only if you aim it well enough.

Please share your funny doctor jokes in the comments.