What did the crow use to break into a car?

A crowbar.

What goes “ha ha ha ha, *thump*?

Someone laughing their head off.

Why is the sky so unhappy?

It has the blues.

How does a lawyer get where he is going?

He makes A-turn-ey!

What did one pair of jeans say to the other pair?

That’s JEANius!

What is red and smells like blue paint?

Red paint.

Did you hear about the race between the lettuce and the tomato?

The lettuce was a “head” and the tomato was trying to “ketchup”!

How do asteroids get so big?

They take A-Steroid!