Student: Are “well” and “actually” both single-syllable words?

Teacher: Well yes , but actually no.

A fortune teller told me I’d suffer awful heart break in 12 years.

To cheer myself up I bought a puppy.

My professor accused me of plagiarizing

His words, not mine.

I couldn’t follow the storyline of Stephen King’s “It”

Too many Maine characters.

My wife is fed up of my constant Dad jokes, so I asked her, “How can I stop my addiction?”

Wife: whatever means necessary.

Me: No it doesn’t.

Finland have just closed their borders.

Which means no one can cross the finish line.

I’m sure my wife has been putting glue on my weapons collection.

She denies it, but I’m sticking to my guns.

Hi, I’m Buzz Aldrin. Second person to step on the moon.

Neil before me.

I told my therapist that I am having suicidal thoughts.

He now makes me pay in advance.