My wife is fed up of my constant Dad jokes, so I asked her, “How can I stop my addiction?”

Wife: whatever means necessary.

Me: No it doesn’t.

Finland have just closed their borders.

Which means no one can cross the finish line.

I’m sure my wife has been putting glue on my weapons collection.

She denies it, but I’m sticking to my guns.

Hi, I’m Buzz Aldrin. Second person to step on the moon.

Neil before me.

I told my therapist that I am having suicidal thoughts.

He now makes me pay in advance.

I got my best friend a fridge for her birthday.

I can’t wait to see her face light up when she opens it.

The last thing my grandfather said before he died was “It’s worth it to spend money on good speakers.”

That was some sound advice.

I called my wife and told her that I’ll pick up pizza and coke on the way back from work. But it seems she was not happy.

She still regrets letting me name the kids.