I named my dog Five Miles so I can tell my friends I walked five miles today.
My wife always gave me a hard time about my bad sense of direction.
So, I finally packed my bags and right.
I went on a job interview for a security guard.
After spending 8 hours in the waiting room I was hired.
At the age of 60 my grandpa started walking five miles a day.
He turns 72 tomorrow and we have no idea where he is.
I used to sell security alarms door to door and I was great at it.
If no one was home I would just leave a brochure on the kitchen table.
My grandfather tried to warn people that the Titanic would sink.
Eventually they had enough of him and kicked him out of the movie theater.
The name’s Bond.
Iconic bond. Taken, not shared.
I just turned 18 but there is still no change in my eye sight.
When do I get my adult supervision?
Little Johnny is always being teased by the other neighborhood boys for being stupid.
Their favorite joke is to offer Johnny his choice between a nickel and a dime Little Johnny always takes the nickel.
One day, after Johnny takes the nickel, a neighbor takes him aside and says, “Johnny, those boys are making fun of you. Don’t you know that a dime is worth more than a nickel, even though the nickel’s bigger?”
Johnny grins and says, “Well, if I took the dime, they’d stop doing it, and so far I’ve made $20!”
Girls treat me like a god.
They mostly act like I don’t exist until they need something from me.