What do you call a fight between an illegal immigrant and a priest?

Alien vs. Predator

What do you call a fat psychic?

A 4 chin teller.

I decided to use my knife to conserve ammo.

Apparently that’s not allowed in paintball.

The oldest computer can be traced all the way back to Adam and Eve.

It was an apple but with extremely limited memory. Just 1 byte. And then everything crashed.

Last night I had a dream that I was a car.

I woke up exhausted.

I’m thinking of having my spine removed.

It’s only holding me back.

What did Rihanna say to her Grandmother with Alzheimer’s?

Oh nana, What’s my name?

My dad lost his job at the cemetery yesterday because he buried someone in the wrong hole.

It was a grave mistake.

I like to play chess with old men in the park.

The tough part is finding 32 of them.

I just found out my wife cheated on me with her deaf best friend.

Honestly, I should have seen the signs.