My wife and I share a sense of humor.

We have to. She doesn’t have one.

You don’t need a parachute to skydive.

You need a parachute to skydive twice.

Why are Americans so stupid?

Because it’s only the ones who skip school who survive.

I once dated a girl with a lazy eye.

It turns out she was seeing someone else on the side.

Today I went for a walk with a beautiful girl.

Then she noticed me so we went for a run.

What’s the difference between a Syrian kindergarten and an ISIS hospital?

I wouldn’t know, I’m just the drone operator.

Do you know what DNA stands for?

National Dyslexic Association

How does every racist joke start?

With a look over your shoulder.

I overdosed on viagra once.

It was the hardest day of my life.