I guess China finally got what they wanted/

They managed to coronise the world.

I’m developing a new fragrance for introverts:

Leave me the Fu Cologne.

Why are redneck murders the hardest to solve?

All the DNA matches and there’s no dental records.

My wife and I share a sense of humor.

We have to. She doesn’t have one.

You don’t need a parachute to skydive.

You need a parachute to skydive twice.

Why are Americans so stupid?

Because it’s only the ones who skip school who survive.

I once dated a girl with a lazy eye.

It turns out she was seeing someone else on the side.

Today I went for a walk with a beautiful girl.

Then she noticed me so we went for a run.

What’s the difference between a Syrian kindergarten and an ISIS hospital?

I wouldn’t know, I’m just the drone operator.