Today I went for a walk with a beautiful girl.

Then she noticed me so we went for a run.

What’s the difference between a Syrian kindergarten and an ISIS hospital?

I wouldn’t know, I’m just the drone operator.

Do you know what DNA stands for?

National Dyslexic Association

How does every racist joke start?

With a look over your shoulder.

I overdosed on viagra once.

It was the hardest day of my life.

A local barber was arrested for selling drugs. I’ve been his customer for five years.

I never knew he was a barber.

Every day we have hundreds of people coming into this country with no skill, no grasp of the language and a total drain on our resources.

Babies are really useless.

Why is 10 always afraid?

Because he was in the middle of 9/11.

I asked 100 women which shampoo they preferred.

Their number one answer was,
“HOW THE HELL DID YOU GET IN HERE?!”

“You’re the bomb!” “No, you’re the bomb!”
In America, a compliment.

In the Middle East, an argument.