Today I went for a walk with a beautiful girl.
Then she noticed me so we went for a run.
Drone Operator
What’s the difference between a Syrian kindergarten and an ISIS hospital?
I wouldn’t know, I’m just the drone operator.
E.T.
What’s E.T. short for?
Because he is got small legs.
Don’t Judge
Don’t judge someone until you walk a mile in their shoes.
That way, when you do judge them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.
Young Body
My wife laughed when I said I still had the body of an 18 year old.
Until she checked the freezer.
Queen Elizabeth
If Queen Elizabeth accidentally farts during dinner, the other guests are supposed to pretend like nothing happened.
Noble gases should have no reaction.
Dog Called Cigarette.
I have a dog with no legs called Cigarette.
Every day, I take Cigarette out for a drag.
No Way Out
What do you call a Bee hive with no exits?
Unbelievable.
Falling Down the Stairs
I just read a book titled “How to Survive Falling Down a Staircase”.
It’s a step by step guide.
DNA
Do you know what DNA stands for?
National Dyslexic Association