Will glass coffins be a success?
Remains to be seen.
A Lot of Cars
How many cars does it take to fill up a parking garage?
A lot.
Marry Her
How do you turn a fox into an elephant?
Marry her.
Lost Wallet
I found a wallet with 20 dollars in it and I thought to myself, “What would Jesus do?”
So I turned it into wine.
Upset Hipsters
I really upset a couple of people today by calling them hipsters.
Apparently the correct term is conjoined twins.
Bicep Tatto
I got a tattoo of a dictionary on my bicep.
I wanted to add some definition to my arm.
Spaghetti Gender
What’s the difference between girl spaghetti and boy spaghetti?
Meatballs.
Fencing
I’ve been bored recently so I decided to take up fencing.
The neighbors said they will call the police unless I put it back.
Turkey Feathers?
What part of a turkey has the most feathers?
The outside.
New Pug
I bought a pug for my wife.
Despite the bulging eyes, wrinkles and layers of fat, the pug seemed to like her.