My dad said people shouldn’t get ribbons just for participating because it rewards them for losing.
So I took down his confederate flag.
Broken Gorilla
How do you fix a broken gorilla?
With a monkey wrench.
Next to Nothing
I’m so bored that I just memorized six pages of the dictionary.
I learned next to nothing.
Going Far
My wife beamed at me with pride and said, “Wow! I never thought our son would go that far!“
I said, “This catapult is amazing! Go get our daughter.”
Rob a Bank
Give a man a gun and he’ll rob a bank.
Give a man a bank and he’ll rob everyone.
Dark Knight
Why did The Joker have to sleep with his lights on?
Because he was afraid of the Dark Knight.
No Sun
Dad can you explain to me what a solar eclipse is
No sun.
Karen
What is a Karen called in Europe?
An American.
Crying Girl
I saw a girl crying, so I asked her “Where are your parents?” and she started crying even more.
Man, I love working at the orphanage.
Poor Musician
What’s the difference between a musician and a large pizza?
A large pizza can feed a family of four.