I got my girlfriend a “get better soon” card.
She is not sick or anything I just think she could get better.
Bored Today
I was so bored today that I memorized five pages out of a dictionary.
I learned next to nothing.
Girlfriend Versus Best Friend
Why is girlfriend one word but best friend is two words?
Because your best friend gives you space when you need it.
No Suit
What do you call Iron Man without his suit?
Stark naked.
Australian citizenship
When I applied for Australian citizenship the interviewer asked, “Do you have a criminal record?”.
Somewhat surprised, I replied, “No, is that still a requirement?”.
Sound Technician
I have a Polish friend who is a sound technician.
And a Czech one too. A Czech one too.
Legless Dog
I used to have a legless dog named “Cigarette”.
Every now and then I would take him out for a drag.
Pavlov’s Hair
Why was Pavlov’s hair so soft?
Because he conditioned it.
First French Fry
Did you know the first French fry wasn’t cooked in France?
It was cooked in Greece.
Blacksmith’s Son
Why was the blacksmith’s son sent to detention?
He was caught forging signatures.