A guy on the street yesterday said, “Bro, do you want this pamphlet?”
I replied, “Brochure”.
Favorite Things
My three favorite things are eating my family and not using commas.
Vegan Girlfriend
My girlfriend changed a lot after she became vegan.
Its like I’ve never seen herbivore.
Animal Chase
You’re riding a horse full speed. There’s a giraffe next to you and a lion chasing you, what do you do?
Go home, you’re drunk.
Smoke Alarm
I’m not going to say my wife is a bad cook but she does use the smoke alarm as a timer.
Women and Coffee
I like my women like I like my coffee.
From a third world country and at a reasonable price.
Early Alphabet
When people first began using the alphabet they only used 25 letters.
At the time, nobody new why.
Jewelry Shopping
I took my three year old son to the mall yesterday. When we got home, I noticed that he had a chocolate bar in his pocket. Now, I know I didn’t buy it and he certainly didn’t buy it.
So I marched him straight back to the mall and took him to the jewelers.
French Hunger Games
What do they call the hunger games in France?
Battle royale with cheese.
Cool Spider
My wife saw a spider and told me to take it out instead of killing it.
So we went and had some drinks. Cool guy. Wants to be a web developer.