My wife was drunk one night and told me that I could tie her up and do anything I wanted.
So I tied her up and went fishing.
Like the Sun
Boobs are like the sun.
You can only stare at them for a few seconds.
Unless you put sunglasses on, then you can stare at them all you want.
The Virgin
Finally, I’m no longer a 40 year old virgin.
I just turned 41.
EpiPen
I have an EpiPen.
My friend gave it to me while he was dying.
It seemed really important to him that I have it.
Chinese Name
How Long Is A Chinese Name.
No seriously, it is.
The Widow
What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is at all times?
A widow.
Looks Like Rain
What did Mrs. Claus say to Santa when she looked out the window?
It looks like rain, dear.
The Hitchhiker
I picked up a hitchhiker last night. He said thanks how do you know I’m not a serial killer?
I replied the chances of two serial killers being in the same car are astronomical.
Investment Hope
I started investing in stocks of Beef, Chicken, and Vegetables.
One day I hope to be a bouillonaire.
Path of Least Resistance
If electricity always follows the path of least resistance why doesn’t it only strike France?